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Apparently, according to Chris Field (Director Department of Global Ecology
Carnegie Institution of Washington – Bet that comes with a nice Salary!!) –
Mr Field has announced that the figures for Global Warming are worse than ever…
AND WHY?
Well, lets just see – Because of the use of Coal Fired Electricity Power plants in India and China.
Now – Lets see if I have this wrong, but the Models required to estimate tomorrows’ weather are huge, massively complex and have to take thousands of factors into consideration.
Now imagine that you are making a model to predict into the future… Much more complex, right?
And yet – This chap is suggesting that he FORGOT to scale up the usage of power in India and China????
W T F!!!! IDIOT – EITHER YOUR PROJECTION IS JUST A COLLECTION OF FICTITIOUS DATA (IE Your Lying!) OR YOU MR FIELD ARE A COMPLETE NUMPTY!!
How can you FORGET to upscale the use of Coal power in India and China? What kind of half baked numb-skull is this chap? How much is he paid?
ACCORDING TO MR FIELD…
The next 100 years will see ecological travesties on a biblical scale… Funny how all these predictions will only be proven wrong after the person being paid the Big Salary will be long since dead and buried.
What about giving us a prediction for 10 years and really seeing if you’re just picking figures out of the air or worth your annual Salary!!
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Just what is that you think your doing? Editing Wiki to suit your ridiculous argument. You’re playing at politics at a time when we need a Decent Well Managed Alternative to the Labour Blood-Hound!
But No! YOU’RE JOKING ABOUT…
THE ECONOMY
This is the most serious situation to face this country since the second world war and yet you still play some stupid point scoring game. Are you not living on the same planet at the same time as the rest of the country?
Should we place you and the entire Conservative Party in the category that we (The Thinking Working Man) have placed ‘Bankers’…
BANKER: Not Of the real World. Ethereal Sprites that are paid very well for doing very little with no responsibility for their actions.
This situation is going to get a lot worse. Raise your game for gods sake and start taking this situation seriously.
What is YOUR PLAN?
What are YOUR GOALS?
When Do We See You Representing the Hard Working Tax Paying Majority That Deserve a Little More Thatcher and Little Less Joker!
YOU HAVE NO IDEA OF THE DAMAGE YOU ARE DOING TO YOUR PARTY OR THE FAITH YOU ARE DIMINISHING IN YOUR SUPPORTERS!!
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I have come across an odd little story about a US Air Base in the recently formed country of Kyrgyzstan. It would appear that Russia is offering the country investment aid of $2Billion but that there are strings attached.
So what could Russia’s motivation be – are they keen to support a terror network in an otherwise lawless country? Is this because of their own humiliation in Afghanistan that sees this as an opportunity to pay a little back to the US? (The US supported the rebels with massive amounts of funding to buy weapons during the late 70’s and 80’s).
Could this just be a Russian negotiating chip or is this the sign of something more devious? Story enclosed – you decide!
Kyrgyz parliament to vote on U.S. base next week
Kyrgyzstan's parliament will vote next week on whether to shut a U.S. air base which is an important staging post for U.S. troops fighting in Afghanistan, Kyrgyz officials said on Thursday.
Kyrgyz President Kurmanbek Bakiyev said on Tuesday Kyrgyzstan, a former Soviet republic and a traditional Russian ally, would close the Manas base after he secured Russian financial aid at talks in Moscow.
The government needs parliamentary approval to proceed with the closure but this is seen as a formality as the chamber is controlled by a pro-presidential party. A simple majority of votes is needed.
"We have included this issue in our February agenda," said Avtandil Arabayev, deputy head of the ruling Ak-Zhol party.
"We did consider the possibility of voting on it tomorrow but according to the rules it will be voted on next week."
Other deputies said the assembly was all but certain to vote in favour of Bakiyev's decision. "I have no doubt about this," said Erik Arsaliyev, head of the foreign affairs committee.
Kyrgyzstan's move to shut the base sets a tough challenge for new U.S. President Barack Obama, who plans to send additional troops to Afghanistan.
The base has been used as a staging post by U.S.-led forces fighting Taliban and al Qaeda militants in Afghanistan and the Kyrgyz move comes as Washington seeks to reinforce supply routes that bypass Pakistan, where convoys face security risks.
Moscow has said it would be flexible to U.S. requests to allow supplies to be sent across Russia. It gave no details.
Officials at the sprawling, heavily guarded air base outside the capital Bishkek said Manas continued to operate as usual as a support hub for coalition forces and cargo in Afghanistan.
"Nothing has really changed," said a Manas spokesman. "It's a wait and see situation."
OFFICIAL ORDER
Once it has received parliamentary approval, the government would have to send Washington an official note ordering it to shut the base. After that the U.S. military would be given 180 days to close operations and leave the mainly Muslim country.
The United States says it has not received any formal communication about closing the base, home to 1,000 personnel.
"We're having discussions with the Kyrgyz about this and we'll continue to do so," U.S. State Department spokesman Robert Wood said on Wednesday, adding the United States was also engaging Russia over the issue.
Russia, which also operates a military base in Kyrgyzstan, has long been anxious about the presence of U.S. forces in Central Asia which it considers part of its strategic sphere of interest.
NATO said it would be "of concern" if Russia was found to have had a role in Kyrgyzstan's decision to close the base but Moscow says there is no connection between the $2-billion (1.4 billion pounds) package it has pledged to Kyrgyzstan and Bishkek's decision.
Closing Washington's only military outpost in Central Asia would pose a challenge for U.S. supply lines in the region, particularly after militants severed the main route into Afghanistan by blowing up a bridge in Pakistan this week.
]]>
]]>Crush you enemies,
See them driven before you,
Hear the Lamentation of their women!
“Anglo-Dutch energy giant Royal Dutch Shell said Thursday it made a loss of 2.81 billion dollars (2.15 billion Euros) in the final quarter of 2008 as it took a hit on the value of its oil inventories.”
I still cant help thinking that this is all part of the Big Accounting Clean-up – The current Credit Amnesty that appears to have been declared is just an excuse to get rid of all the Accounting nastiness and have a bloody good financial clean-up!
The problem with this is situation is that it’s fundamentally dishonest. It indicates that the Sales and therefore the Economy are suffering when this is not actually true. It also vindicates any business looking to ‘Streamline’ its staffing overheads, as apposed to businesses in real financial jeopardy.
Some of the retails outlets that have gone went for a bloody good reason! Whittards – What exactly did that shop sell? W H Smiths should be next by all accounts. This business may have ‘extended play’ due to its Post Office incorporation. But longer terms, I don’t see it lasting far into 2010.
And the public get to hear of another business with dreadful results (Don’t expect any good news until April at the earliest) and fear the worst, spend less and propel the situation further…
Just how much and how many of these announced Big Losses are just an excuse to Clean House?
]]>Moët?
I know it doesn’t matter and I shouldn’t care, but when did Moët change its pronunciation to Mo-Wett??
]]>Rejection Letter?
What to do?
So, you got a rejection letter and after the disappointment, you’re thinking about ritualistically ripping into a thousand pieces and burning them one by one….
Don’t – there is an alternative!
What do the Top Recruitment Companies do to at this point and can you emulate them?
TOP CONSULTANTS
When you get that call telling you candidate X didn’t get the role, there are some things you do. You ask who was offered and why the decision went to them instead of your chap (if you already know it wasn’t personality based) and you ask when they will start in the role.
A good consultant will often know the person who got the position but either discounted them from their selection or was too late in sending their details.
The thing about being a top consultant is staying in touch with your chosen markets best people and top clients – But not believing that anything is guaranteed at this point.
The newly appointed employee has not yet started in the role. Their employer may not want to lose out and could still counter-offer, promise promotion or further development.
The thing is all about staying in touch – putting a note in the diary to call back. Reply to the letter you received and being the person that they will call if things don’t quite go to plan.
SO WHAT CAN YOU DO?
Firstly, reply to the letter and address your response to both the HR person who sent it to you and the person who interviewed you (The hiring Manager).
You letter should read something like;
Dear @@@,
Thank you for your letter dated @@@. I was disappointed to hear that my application for the position of @@@ was not successful but understand that the market place is very competitive at the moment.
I would however like to state that @@@@ Company Ltd remains a business that I am very keen to work for/with (depending on seniority) and would very much appreciate being notified of any further opportunities that may arise in the future. I have enclosed a copy of my CV for your records.
[NB: Take care when including a CV, yours may not look the same as one sent by a recruitment consultancy and there will be issues of direct contact if you are re-interviewed without the consultancies prior knowledge]
I would like to thank both you (HR) and Mr @@@ (Hiring Manager) for taking the time to meet with me on the @Day of @Month and hope that an opportunity will arise where we may meet again.
Yours sincerely,
Etc.
OK – You may find the above slightly sycophantic or overkill, but it doesn’t matter. This is not for you; it’s to continue the chance to make you stand out from the crowd.
If you take a pool of 100 candidates with offer letters, the trend will go something like this…
1 – Will drop dead before the chance to start work.
2 – Will find religion/sex/partner decides they can’t start.
3 – Will decide they just don’t want the new role.
5 – Will have alternative offers and take those.
9 – Will get counter offered by their current employer and stay put.
So, it pays to keep in touch. A note in the diary for 4 weeks time and a quick ‘catch-up’ with HR never goes amiss.
Your call may appear as welcome as spit in your cappuccino, but it doesn’t matter, be direct, ensure that they received your details, ask to be kept in touch and again thank them for their time.
You’d be surprised how many people interview like a lion and yet employ like a kitten. If there not right and you’re the very essence of tenacity, your going to make yourself the next obvious choice.
PERSONALITY
There are just some employers that you’re not going to jell with. No mater how good the offer, the business or the salary, there is no point in working for someone that you don’t get on with. They are out there, I know only too well. I have dealt with a Director of HR who was so antisocial, bad mannered and bad tempered, he made his employees cry! (Grown Men!).
Quit while you’re ahead and don’t bother with follow-ups or calls. Mark it down to experience, safe in the knowledge that this happens to everyone, no matter how sociable, amiable or pleasant you may be.
Now – Don’t think of a rejection as the end, more like a final opportunity to make an impression.
]]>G L O B A L W A R M I N G
Well, may be not Evil Alien Elvis – But it’s nothing to do with Humans either…
There actually is a sensible reason behind the creation of this page (Honest!) – I have posted a 6 part film that you can find in my media. It goes some way to explain the reasons behind what would appear to be a perfectly natural phenomenon. One we as humans have journeyed through several times in even our short history on this planet.
The Up-shot is… No matter how much you use a Car or turn on Lights, YOU are not responsible for a rise in Global Temperatures. However, you may be a lazy sod or a little wasteful, but that’s not the same!
I’m not suggesting that temperatures over a long period won’t go up, but that your daily existence is not going to make the slightest difference to a good summer in Cornwall or a hurricane off the coast of Florida.
SO – WHAT IM I SUGGESTING?
· Not putting tons of Crap into Land Fill Sites is just good planetary management – Not rocket science.
· Recycling in locally based recycling centres – Priceless.
· Putting pressure on supermarket to change from Plastic to PAPER BAGS – Really good sense! (A bag for life is just thicker, longer lasting plastic!?!)
· Believing that the total human contribution of Carbon Dioxide emissions (0.43% of Earths total) per year has anything to do with the rise or fall in planetary temperature – Absolute Fantasy!
FEELING GUILTY?
Guilt is a strange and powerful force. We are told from a young age to feel compassion for the less fortunate and to care for our surroundings. But age has the habit of turning old lessons into a modern day feeling of guilt. We don’t recycle enough, enjoy the countryside enough, do enough for humanitarian organisations, the third world, etc.
The media and I am especially pointing the finger at Newspapers, go a long way to assists with a nations’ growing guilt and subsequent reaction. The government have to be seen to be reacting to the trends, desires and wants of its people. The media whip up frenzy and the government rushes in new laws.
Dangerous Dogs Act.
It only took a couple of horrendous headlines and the dangerous dogs laws were hurriedly passed by parliament. Now, don’t get me wrong, the incidents that caused this were terrible. But so were the laws – unworkable and no longer in force. Just ask yourself how many dogs in the street are wearing a mussel these days?
Green But Guilty.
The headlines have been getting worse and worse… Predictions of mammoth floods, sky high temperatures and a planet in revolt. The funny thing is we begin to ‘acclimatise’ to all the bad news so the headlines have to get more dramatic and crazy sounding to grab our attention.
The upshot is a growing number of Green Guilty. Decent ordinary folk, just trying to do what they can whit what they have, you, me, them, all of us – bombarded by wave after wave of so called ‘news’. It’s getting hard to separate fact from fiction. And there is a lot of ‘so called Science’ making its way into the press.
Recycling.
Another group of Green Guilty in the European Community have set ridiculously unachievable Recycling Quota’s. Many EC Countries are just ignoring it, but here in the UK. My Council (Along with hundreds of others) are packing up their ‘Recycle’ rubbish into containers, and shipping it to India for ‘Recycling’ - But the truth of the matter is, the majority is being re-sold in India and heading straight for a local Landfill Sites. But that’s OK, according to the European Community – Recycling or Not In My Back Yard???
We’ve all seen these scares before – The daily news has to sell and ‘Horror Stories’ make excellent headlines. This Guilt fuelled Alarm is what got us into this mess in the first place. Hype, Drama and an international Media Service hungry for the next big thing to kill off all mankind! You may remember some of these…
REMEMBER THESE?
Bird Flu
A Pandemic that could wipe out the population of the world overnight according to Top Scientist. And we all got to read about a new word “Pandemic”… Microsoft even added it to their spellchecker!
Don’t get me wrong, the Spanish Flu pandemic of 1918 killed more people than the First World War I. Bird Flu may well be a very serious threat. But this item is not receiving a single column inch in today’s media. Yet, Global Warming has created its own form of specialist journalists – Environmental Journalism, despite this very small area of Science still being in its infancy.
BIG IN THE 1990’s
Ebola – the flesh eating disease.
This insane disease was reported as sweeping through the African continent and heading for Europe and the USA.
TB – New Strain effecting thousands…
Before Ebola, TB – immune to modern drugs. In many of the more developing nations (Specifically the African continent) it is noted as a huge threat by the World Health Organisation. The point being that this known issue has a spread and infection rate that can be calculated and is no longer considered news worthy.
Remember the O-Zone!
The O-Zone & CFC’s – What happened to that hole in the atmosphere that should be burning us all up right about now? Did we cure that or did it just go away?
The Montreal Protocol helped to eliminate the release of CFC emissions, well, almost. The final phase out of the protocol is still under way. But the media’s interpretation of the threat even became a Hollywood feature film, now forgotten in a bargain Bin at your local Video Rental Shop
Ice Age Too…
And if you go back to the mid 70’s, we were going to have another Ice Age! Headlines and TV programmes dedicated to how we would survive the coming years of deep winter.
MEDIA INVOLVEMENT
The Media love these stories, with the power to whip up the populous and lean on a PR conscious government to take immediate and often poorly focused action. With every climate research institution chasing funds and promoting ever more horrific Models, the media continue to create more and more Green Guilty. It is THIS situation that is spiralling out of control, not the climate.
I agree that we need to look after what we have, make the most of the resources and distribute them. But this blindness, brought on by feeling guilty for living in a developed, power hungry nation should not be used as a weapon against smaller undeveloped countries or continents.
G7 DEPRIVATION
Africa’s developing nations are being told that they can no longer receive financial assistance for any major Construction or Power Project unless it can prove its Green credentials. But as a developing nation, just how do you run a Steel Plant with Solar Power? Can you imagine a manufacturing plant working on Wind Power alone??!
This is the fault of G7 governments feeling pressure from the Green Guilty! People, a bit like you and me, from developed nations who are very happy to simply turn on a switch and light up a room… but feel guilty for the ‘damage’ we’re doing. Our governments are set to deny this ‘luxury’ to anyone not already in our club!
YOU WANT EVIDENCE?
Earths average temperatures
During the Cathedral Building period in Europe (1000 – 1300) the Earth’s temperature was much warmer than it is today (5 to 6 Degrees). Its not fiction, just another ‘Inconvenient Truth’ that the Anti CO2 Lobby choose to ignore.
We had a mini Ice Age after that – Again, nothing to do with driving cars or burning fossil fuels…
Pro-Warming defendants often quote “The Medieval Warm Period and Little Ice Age were largely northern hemisphere events.”
But this is just not true. The Antarctic Peninsula - San Rafael Glacier reached far into the lagoon in 1898, but was close to its current position in 1675. The Little Ice Age is easily distinguished in the Quelccaya Ice Cap (Peruvian Andes, South America). There are several very good examples of this being far from only a northern hemispheric incident, although that is where the best records exist.
And I wonder if the devil may be in the detail “Record”? Again, we have not been studying this phenomenon for anything like enough time and much of the information still only exists in eye witness records and anecdotal evidence collected from the earliest scientist in the Northern Hemisphere (mainly Europe). There just wasn’t much scientific recording or research specifically focused on Sothern Hemisphere temperatures for years 1000 to 1800.
TRUTH - INCONVENIENT?
During his film “An Inconvenient Truth”, Mr. Gore stated that “the relationship between Temperature and CO2 was a complex one”, but failed to mention that the increase in CO2 follows temperature, it does not proceed it. That’s more than just a minor distortion of data. (Professor Ian Clark – Arctic Paleoclimatologist - independent findings)
There is a recorded lag of up to 800 years showing CO2 trails behind Global Temperature rises and the current rise in temperature started in 1880? [Some argue it’s as far back as 1680]
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Vostok-ice-core-petit.png
Is it being suggested that Europe’s steam trains, foundries and the odd cotton mill is responsible for the start of the current temperature rise? Does this actually date back to mans discovery of fire?
And what is the explanation about the drop in temperature from 1940 to 1980, when Scientists were suggesting a possible Ice Age? Would the theory be that mankind was producing more CO2 in 1927 than in 1977?
All the Alarming Newspaper Headlines in the world will still not prove that man made CO2 emissions have any effect on Global Temperature. If it were true, what would be the explanation of the rise during the Cathedral building period, the swamp like condition caused by the huge amounts of rain during the mid 1300’s with years of failed crops or the mini Ice Age that followed?
I don’t disagree that Earths temperature may well be increasing – but this has happened in the past and there is still no solid evidence to suggest that this isn’t happening quite naturally today.
NATURAL ANCESTORS
=
UNNATURAL MODERN LIVING?
If it happened to our ancestors, it’s all natural = If it happens to us, it must mean we are the cause? Why are we so obsessed that we are somehow ‘not of nature’? It’s a real modern day malaise – We appear to want to hate our own existence?
But what is ‘Unnatural’
Rubber – Comes from a tree
Oil – Bubbles up out of the ground
Plastic – Refined Oil by product
Radio Activity – Can be found quite naturally in rocks.
The Periodic Table – All of the elements appear quite naturally. In what way are we now suggesting that these items are not of ‘Nature’???
BUT WHAT IF IT’S ALL TRUE?
‘What if’ is a good reason for research, for further investment and discovery. Not for draconian hysterical financial policies, the denial of development to poorer nations or the blind acceptance of floored information.
Recycling and Planetary Husbandry are not bad ideas – There Great Ideas… But scare tactics and horror stories, guilt and blame… that’s doing more harm than good.
There is currently a more likely threat to Mankind from Meteors than CO2. And quote another Hollywood Block Buster “It’s a big ass sky, Mr President”…
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-Install, Vista, Mother Board Drivers, Back-up Data, Office 2003, Old PST Email Data...
We're Back in the PC Game... Hoorraayyy...
Now, no more looking for free dowloads, they are full of Nasties!
And Remeber
SPYBOT is free and very very very good!
I'm back Baby, And Loving It!
Mr (Almost) Not Grumpy!
]]>Done my Backup. Saved my Emails to PST, Copied over all Pictures, Saved everything to two HD's...
Gona Do It...
Gona...
Format C
_
See you on the otherside...
With any luck!
]]>
I do feel bad for the people of Sipson. Their small village will now be confined to the history books. But lets not feel too sorry, they will be receiving rather nice valuations on their property, relocation packages and a decent inconvenience payments.
However, to all the other people living in and around Heathrow (I am one of them!) Stop Moaning!
For the love of god, Heathrow has been accepting flights longer than anyone has been living in their house (Except people of my grandfathers age (70 and over).
Anyone else, you live here because either, you were born in this area or because of the number of jobs available. Heathrow and Slough Trading Estate crated a swell of Employment and this area grew faster in the 50’s and 60’s than any other area in the southeast.
And still people flock to this low unemployment Hot-Spot and complain about Heathrow?!?
What about the environmental impact???
Did you know that yearly, Natural Volcanic Activity worldwide creates more carbon emission than all of the worldwide man mad carbon?? – Year on Year – Every Year!
What about the comments from Greenpeace???
Patrick Moore (Greenpeace Co-Founder) recently stated that Greenpeace has become an anti-capitalist / anti-globalisation movement, clocked in Green and Environmental Clothing - promoting itself as ‘good for the earth’, it has become invaded by those who simply see Big Business as the enemy and has little to do with conservation any more. This was noted as his reason for leaving movement he helped to start.
Greenpeace has stopped caring for whales or endangered species’ and would appear to want us to return to the dark ages.
So, lets have some jobs – Well done – some good news for today at least.
]]>You’re Going To Prison!
You have 14 days left to clean up all your old discs and drives
Or you could face 3 years inside!
NB: If you’re a bit easily offended, think Bum is a swear word or wife swap is just a channel 4 TV show, turn back now.
Now, done get me wrong – I no Porn Monger, but I think anyone who has a saucy photo or two should take note. The piece of legislation outlined below is currently under review with The Association of Chief Police Officers (ACPO). I doubt they will have the broadest of minds, considering they will have spent a professional life time dealing with the nastiest of human underclass. http://www.acpo.police.uk/default.asp
The problem would appear to be that one Police Officers Naughty is another Officers Nice. Who should decide what may offend. My grandmother was always shocked to hear even the mildest profanity but that’s not to say I, you or the man in the street would agree.
We currently live in a society where the police are confused about how to interpret the best intentions of a nanny government. There have been a plethora of new laws that the Police have been charged to enforce.
Take the growing number of recent case where innocent members of the public have been stopped and arrested for taking Photo’s in the great outdoors. The new terrorism laws were hurriedly brought in, rushed through parliament and dumped on an already overworked Police Force. No wonder there has been confusion in administering this legislation.
This has lead to a number of semi professional photographers, plane and train spotters spending a night in the cells for taking photo’s of what the Officer on the street has thought may be sensitive.
However, the “Extreme Pornographic Images” legislation noted below insists on 3 Years Inside!
DON’T GET ME WRONG
Now, I’m not necessarily against the banning of certain images. Child Pornography would still appear to be a major issue and no one in their right mind would want that being spread.
However, the legislation noted below is not being brought in to tackle child pornography, which already has well proven legislation in place. The UK Police force has a special internet agency that enforces these laws – scoring some very prominent international success - Well Done Them!
But I am concerned about the definition of “disgusting?” and this is surely open to interpretation – it could cover anything from eating Sprouts to an inserted loo brush.
But there is a world of difference between two consenting adults performing what someone may call a ‘disgusting’ act in the privacy of their own home – and potentially serving tree years in Clink!
NB: 10 Legal Firms were given the Publication ‘SEX’ by Madonna. 4 Stated that it would not apply to the legislation. But the other 6 all noted that this publication (if in digital form on your PC) was likely to get you arrested! CONFUSED ? ? ?
There is also concern over Film Content. Although a film (Certificated in the UK) may have Saucy content, if you copy part of this film for the purpose of arousal, you will fall foul of this law…
So, if your 16 year old digitally captures that moment Sharon Stone reveals her no knickers shot in ‘Basic Instinct’… He’s potentially liable for a Jail Sentence!
This is Nuts!!
If it’s ok to watch it in full, in slow motion, why on earth should it be illegal to capture that arousing moment? Should you potentially be locked up for it?
(I’m ignoring the copyright issue for the purpose of this augment, but acknowledge the laws around that. NB: if you own an original copy, it’s not illegal to make a digital back up for your own personal use!)
BESTIALITY
Yup, I just had to discuss this... Now, Bestiality isn’t a subject that most of us can look at objectively – But in this case, I think we should try.
For a surprisingly large group of people [Just take the filter off Google and you quickly realise its popularity] bestiality is a real turn-on.
This legislation deals with content that may be found on your hard disc. Assuming that your PC is in your house, should a fascination with bestiality put you on the same par with a mugger, a larcenists or someone convicted of grievous bodily harm?
I’m not into bestiality – but if that’s what blows your skirt up – in the privacy of your own home, who is to say that these people should be arrested, prosecuted and serve 3 years inside.
Let’s separate Fact from Fiction – if that’s what they want to look at, it doesn’t make them Sex Offenders, Child Pornographers or Rapists. Weird, may be – but so what. Surely that should be their freedom of personal choice?
WHO ARE THEY PROTECTING
This law can’t be for the protection of our children – If you have kids and let them surf without full parental control, YOU ARE THE ONE PERVERTED! No parent in their right mind would let a minor on the web without the proper controls, or play on a motorway or play on rail lines…
So just who are they protecting? Is this for little old ladies who turn of the ‘Safe Search’ settings on their browser?
But I’m a Big Boy Now! If I want to search for ‘Two Girls and A Cup’, I agree to the disclaimer and want to be TOTALLY GROSSED OUT!!! Then, surely it’s up to me???
NB: That is one of the worst things you’ll ever see – It’s actually more fun to watch the reactions of other people on U-Tube. There is even a Rap Group who watched this collectively and filmed themselves. Very funny!
SUB NOTE FOR THE ANGRY MAJORITY
Before you allow anything in this page to anger you to the point of cardiac arrest, please note: It may be that this subject is far outside what you class as ‘Normal’ but that’s not an excuse to shout ‘Sicko’ and simply be abusive or just dismiss it… Please have a think and try to express yourself.
I would appreciate the opportunity of discussing this rather than hear the rants of the Blue-Rinse and Moral-Majority.
SUB SUB NOTE
A lot of what is in the report I agree with in principle. I think the difficulty comes in throwing this out to already stretched police force.
The current Terrorism Laws are being abused through lack of communication and implementation with front line officers. This preachy piece of policy is surely going to make things worse.
AND – Since when did Kinky make you a criminal?
]]>
Just for fun… See if you can estimate the Annual Salary Bill for all the DJ’s on Radio 1’s Payroll…. What’s your estimate of the total yearly pay-packets for…
Annie Mac
Annie Nightingale
Bethan Elfyn in Wales
Huw Stephens in England
Rory McConnell in Northern Ireland
Vic Galloway in Scotland
Bobby Friction
Fearne & Reggie
Chris Moyles
Colin Murray
Dave Pearce
Dick and Dom
Eddie Halliwell
Fabio
Gilles Peterson
Greg James
Huw Stephens
Jo Whiley
Judge Jules
Mary Anne Hobbs
Mike Davies
Nick Grimshaw
Nihal
Pete Tong
Daniel P. Carter
Ras Kwame
Chris Goldfinger
Rob da Bank
Scott Mills
Steve Lamacq
Kelly Osbourne
Tim Westwood (Twat!)
Trevor Nelson
Vernon Kay
Zane Lowe...
Radio 1 could happily play non stop music, without pauses, without DJ’s rambling on, without stupid quizzes, phone-ins, poor prize giveaways, That should be the remit of the BBC’s Web Site – Along with play lists, so we know what as played and the obligatory ‘Listen again’…
Imagine the download… Hour after hour of interruption free music – you don’t even get that in Clubs!!
Now, don’t get me wrong, for every Rubbish Chris Moyle’s, there is bound to be a DJ that you actually like… But if they have anything to do with music (like Pete Tong) they could remain picking play lists and mixing… you just wouldn’t hear them.
HANG THE DJ
Now, let’s think about a Rap Show without that Cock (Yo Yo Yo) Tim Westwood (You Twat!) would be such an incredible turnaround; they would almost immediately get a boost in numbers.
Yehhh I know, you hate most of them, but have your favourite Radio 1 DJ and for that reason you don’t want them to loose their job. But lets think past that a little - If you like them, so do thousands of others… they wouldn’t be out of work for long! There must be hundreds of small Radio Stations who would (mistakenly) give employment to Chris Moyle’s, despite him being an enormously annoying little spoilt fat mummy’s boy.
START THE BALL ROLLING
To The BBC – Please start shedding Contracts as they come up for renewal. Save us from a Salary Bill of more than a Million Pounds a year and…
LET RADIO 1 BE ALL THAT IT CAN BE…
If Radio 1 is dedicated to “In New Music We Trust” …. Then let the music do the talking and let’s have a little Faith in your Trust!
Once upon a time, a long time ago, if you had a minor incident or minor disaster at home, you would look forward to the opportunity to ‘Get One Over’ your supplier of home insurance. The thought of a slightly inflated claim made paying the Insurance seem worth while. But those days are gone.
There are some things to take into consideration before you call and claim…
Recorded –
I worked for a business that supplied search software to businesses. Some bright spark came up with the idea that if combined with voice recognition software, all digitally recorded phone calls could be stored, converted to text and included in a search. All large insurance businesses are now amongst their clients.
All phone calls to your insurance company are being recorded, being converted to text and stored on file. Everything you say may be used in evidence against you.
SI-FI Technology.
The claims department has also probably invested in voice stress analysis software. This little piece of Techno Trickery is set to monitor the levels of stress in the human voice and will warn the operator if it reaches a predefined level. It will also appear on your personal record.
Obviously this is only a tool and does not guarantee anything. If you just broke your wife’s / husband’s most treasured possession, your going to be a little stressed on the phone.
But this electronic tool forms another part of the Insurance Industries weaponry to combat fraud. It has reduced many a claim from the fantastic back to the realistic.
For example, I recently suffered a terrible loss – My Van Gogh fell off the wall and knocked the Faberge Egg of the shelf. More-Than have kindly replaced this with a print from Athena and the latest model from Kinder.
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Is Terry Christian a history teacher? Christ, I read ‘Churchill’s History of the English Speaking People’ and I’m now taking history class 101 from Bleeding (Gowd Lovim) Terry Christian at 2;15 in the morning. Is there no stopping this man! He’s a historical dynamo! Prick up you ears Coolio – You and I may learn something!
I think I want him to win. Why O Why is he not back on our TV Boxes!
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I read a couple of pages relating to New Graduates desperate to find something permanent and rewarding. In a tough and very competitive market, this is a growing challenge!
I have put a few notes together of some of the techniques that have worked in the past. I’m sure much of these pointers will be well known to those trying, but there may be something new, you never know.
First, an apology. Sorry if this page appears preachy or patronising. I don’t mean it to be and hope my writing style wont p!ss you off too much… Also I took some of the content from a prior post – I have attempted to make this more relevant and cohesive.
Goals
I would suggest that when setting any goal, it has to be achievable. You may have recently qualified in Business & Finance with Honours form the best University – But still… you can’t expect to be Finance Manager in your first role.
However, you can and should be setting goals to work somewhere in Finance in a good business with prospects for promotion – This is a realistic objective and an achievable goal.
Desperate Stakes
Employers in the UK have been making a noose for their own necks for more than 15 Years. Outsourcing and the global employment market mean the demise of all but a handful of junior positions, while there are more young people at University now than any other time in our history.
You only need look at your local paper to realise that the one advert stating ‘experience not necessary’ is for McDonalds.
The Office Junior Role is now extinct and Experience has become a ridiculously overpriced commodity. New Workers (Grads, College & School Leavers) can no longer start in a basic role without some prior experience… And just how are they supposed to get that?
How do they do that?
So, knowing you need experience with an Employment Market offering no junior roles, what positive steps can you take to get to the top of the recruitment pile?
Family & Friends…
Whether you want to be a Graphics Designer or Qualified Accountant, working on a building site is unlikely to generate much Employer excitement. However, Office Skills will get you a long way and a week of ‘Helping Out’ in the office of a family member will give a range of basic experience to note on your CV.
Nobody wants work for nothing, but consider it an investment in the future. After all, no one paid you to stay in Further Ed, but you knew it was a good idea.
Family and Friends – Tap them up for a week’s office experience, keep asking and then ask to return. Get a foot in the door - What skills you gain when inside will be up to you, try to get involved with as many processes as they will allow.
Be prepared to relocate to Uncle Bob’s Settee for week. If he is willing to get you work in his office, you should be prepared to eat Aunty Jean’s Spinach & Broccoli Pie – with a smile.
Ask – And Ask Again!
An important point to consider when asking for something, depending how you pose a question will often determine the answer.
Human nature dictates that ‘No’ is our default setting. If you ask a question using the words “Can I” - Expect a negative reply. Humans are naturally lazy and the nature of “Can I” requires thought or action from the permission giver. You are taking up their time and utilize their effort. It’s going to be easier to say No.
Think about offering a solution, rather than posing an issue. IE; “Would it help if sorted out @@@?” - “Would you like help with @@@”.
Opportunity
Once you have the chance of a week’s office experience, consider what you want to get out of it. If your CV is a paper representation of you, you are the real deal and should act and behave as your best ambassador.
You have the chance to impress and to idly chat about your ‘dream job’ with people who have the power to offer it. May be not at this moment, but it’s an introduction – Make yourself a known item as apposed to any external applicant who will remain just a paper CV.
CV Creation
I can’t stress this enough; People only know about you what you choose to tell them. I’m not suggesting that you lie, but you do have the right and duty to make your skills and experience look as good as possible.
Once you have a weeks experience under your belt, start reviewing all of the tasks you have undertaken, systems and software used and the skills you now possess. Get this on your CV immediately. The more tasks you perform, the longer the list of experience.
Your work history may be very patchy, with a week here and couple of weeks there. This looks messy and any direct application will suffer as your next potential employer may consider this patchwork a sign of unreliability.
Recruiters have been getting around this with a nice little technique…
2008 To Date : Contract Positions Admin Assistant – @@@ Department
Working for a range of businesses including @@@@, @@@@, @@@@.
- Duties include ….
- Basic Office….
- Assisting with….
- Etc
2008 To Date – Gives the impression your experience has been continuous. You should do nothing to discourage that perception and the word Contract always sounds better than ‘Temp’.
@@@ Department - can be any department you need it to be. If Uncle Bob got you into his 50 person company, the chances are they don’t have a dedicated ‘Graphics’ or ‘HR’ department. But as Uncle Bob (or his boss) are going to be your reference, who cares! – You need a leg up and likelihood is that Uncle Bob will be only too happy to oblige.
Assisting with – Priceless comment for any good CV. Your not suggesting that you were in complete control or had ultimate responsibility, but you did help, you were useful and have decent understand of what this work entails.
Immoral?
Is this bending of the truth immoral and should you feel guilty about it? Well, I don’t think so. British Business has made it almost impossible for talented young people to get foot in the door – Just look at the Music Industry!
Without a little creativity and knowing the techniques used by Recruiters, you’re doomed to wait in a very long queue
I would like to stress that you cannot lie - EVER! But you should get comfortable about being creative.
Practice Makes Perfect
Interviews can be tricky and there is no substitute for experience, but practice makes perfect and you should be fluent in discussing your CV details. Imagine the questions and practice your answers – The wider range of questions you imagine and practice, the easier this information will flow at interview.
Back to Friends and Family, Ask Aunty Jean to interview you. Tell her to give you a hard time and ask tricky questions. This experience will pay back dividends as confidence at interview stage can turn a chance into a permanent role.
Direct Applications
Most businesses will refuse to use a Recruitment Consultancy for lower level positions as it makes the process of hiring too expensive. This is a perfect opportunity for you to consider making a direct application.
Firstly, make a list of all the businesses you would love to work for, then like to work for and finally would accept an offer from. This may appear like ‘EVERYONE’ when you start looking and are without work, but there may be one or two companies that truly excite.
IE – For me, it would be a specific couple of Home Electronics Businesses. I’m interested in home cinema and would focus on the likes of Onkio, Pioneer, Denon, Etc. For you it may be Porsche, Chanel, The British Museum, Whatever blows your skirt up…
Make a list, see if any are in your area, start an A List, then a B List and so on. List your details in a spreadsheet; Business Name, Address, Post Code, Telephone Number.
Do not swamp out a mass of letters to everyone in your List at the first opportunity! It’s tempting, especially if you have ever used Mail Merge… But Don’t! You only get one chance to send an initial introduction letter.
Call First
Think before you Call, Call before you Apply. Make a direct call to a couple of businesses that come towards the bottom of your list. Speak to HR but don’t be put off if they dismiss you immediately. Always keep in mind that your call may be at an inconvenient time, they may just be in a bad mood or having a crappy day. It’s not all about you and should not stop you from sending in details.
These calls from the bottom of your list will give you some experience before you move up to your ‘A Section’ and practice makes perfect!
Calling – The purpose is to introduce yourself (Yes, Its embarrassing and a bit awkward at first, but get over it, you need something to set you apart from all the paperwork and make you stand out – This Is It!), discuss your skills and availability, your flexibility and the possibility of any permanent, consultancy or temporary opportunities that they may have. 9 times out of 10 times you will be dismissed and told to send in details. That’s not an issue, but you must Take A Name!
With a name, your application can be addressed to ‘Someone’ @ The Business. Dear Sir/Madam letters have a tendency to go directly to File 13 (the Bin!). Also, see if you can get an email address - these are very useful.
Direct contact via Email means you only need to know the correct spelling of a senior manager’s name and you can email them directly – the format for internal emails almost always remains the same!
Take good notes and always have pen and paper when you call. Also having a note of what you want to express is a useful tool, especially if you’re new to these types of calls. Remember your availability, relevant experience and reason for your interest in their product or service.
Interest in a Fencing company = “Because I really like Fences” is just too cheesy – are they a market leader, did you know of the business before hand, is there something special about this business? (See their Web site for details). There is no substitute for enthusiasm!
Note all relevant details of the call in your Excel List, Name of person you spoke to, Extension Number or Direct Line, Email Address, Details of what was said.
This list should expand and during your phone calls and keep in mind that you want the name of any Hiring Managers, HR Managers name, Etc… List all details!!
Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. By listing the people and the details of the conversation, you can call back a month later to ‘catch up’. All the time your building and developing a relationship in your next potential employer.
If you find your getting nowhere fast and have exhausted the list go back to the start, ask for the name of the manager of your chosen department (Finance, Design Shop, Marketing, Etc.) and see about contacting them directly, ask for what advice they can give. There is a danger that doing this too quickly after your initial contact with HR will seriously annoy them, but if you don’t try, you don’t get.
Be Cheeky, offer your services on a weeks free trial, say it’s to gain experience and don’t be put off by a rejection. Calling a business manager directly every month will prove that you have staying power, the ability to communicate and to commit.
Never Forget
It is easier for camel to pass through eye of a needle than a poorly dressed grumpy unsociable person to get a cracking job!
As a hiring manager, you want a like minded, well dressed sociable person with a happy disposition to join your team. Be that person!
I hope that information assists. If you have any comments you want to make, observations, please let me know.
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If you think you’re about to loose your current position, there are some practical things you can you do immediately. This is aimed towards more senior members of staff, but I think there are nuggets of pure gold for anyone looking for a new role…
Ok, firstly, why would take advice form me? Well, 10 years in the recruitment industry, assisting with Senior Manager / Director Placements to junior career development. CV preparation, creating Advertisements for the FT Recruitment Page, running Job Fairs for my business. Hope that helps to reassure.
IMMEDIATE MEASURES – Before You Go…
Firstly take stock of what information you have been using in your current role. Industry Contacts, Telephone Numbers of useful businesses and services, websites, journals, Etc. While in a role (even under threat of redundancy) you believe that you will never forget the name of that system or this software, your contacts or useful suppliers.
However, the reality is, when you no longer have access to your office or desk, you’d be surprised how quickly your day to day tasks will begin to fade. These facts are no longer relevant and your mind dumps any information that is not refreshed on a daily/weekly bases. TAKE NOTES NOW.
NB: This is not a reason to download the entire Client Base and such actions will surely be noted as Gross Professional Misconduct – rendering your contract void and your ass fired without hope of redundancy pay! Take a few notes (At a time if need be), there can be no legitimate threat to the existence of your current business if you have a couple of phone numbers, name and addresses, etc. Be wary of using a Memory Stick – Many systems have a flag that will warn IT and if it’s not something that you have been doing in the past, it may cause uncomfortable questions. Printing a couple of pages, putting them in an envelope addressed to you and marked P&C makes them relatively safe.
So you now have a note related to your industry, your role with all relevant procedures, practices, contacts, suppliers, Etc, safely tucked away at home.
CREATING YOUR CV – A Guide.
“PEOPLE ONLY KNOW ABOUT YOU, WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO TELL THEM”
={ BE SELECTIVE }=
Even Recruitment Consultants struggle to create their own CV! It’s not an easy task to list your working life on a sheet of paper. It takes time and must be done gradually, step by step, adding this details and that.
STEPS TO THE FINAL DRAFT
1) Create a Master Copy. All Details go in this including names and addresses, relevant background information, industry specific details, Everything…. Start the CV by listing out the names of the businesses and a rough guide to the dates ‘From & To’. Don’t get hung up on details at this point… just start the process, the information will eventually flow.
The older you are, the Longer it takes – Be patient. Do no more than 1 hour at a time, especially if you’re struggling. Do a little washing up, Hoover a bit. The very moment you move that plant pot 20 minutes into the dusting you will have an epiphany – Make Notes as you polish!
Remember, this is the Master copy, List EVERYTHING! Frome this record you will be creating your final draft/s. keep coming back to it, it may take more than a week – 1 hour at a time Maximum (Or you’ll go stir crazy!!)
2) Achievements – Now create a CV that just lists business Names, under each you add the details of what you achieved for that business. Now this takes a bit more thought, but should eventually come back to you. I cannot stress enough the importance of this task – This little list of achievements becomes the reason for you to be hired, to be snapped up in the market and get your next role.
I appreciate that if you’re not in sales, it may appear that you didn’t ‘achieve’ anything other than not being fired, but that’s not true. I have listed examples for a Cake Shop Worker, if that role has notable achievements, so did yours!!!
EXAMPLE –
Company: The Cake Shop Position: Counter Staff
Achievements:
· Introduced display stock rotation to minimise wastage, estimated to save the business £4,000.00 per year.
· Trained and developed Saturday Staff in Customer Service Skills, use of the till & cashing up.
· Helped to implement Flexible Hours enabling the business to open before 8:15 AM and extending the hours until 6:00 PM.
EXPLANATION -
A very nice start – MONEY. Every employer likes to see Cost Savings or increases in Sales in nice big numbers!! List these first, they are a fantastic Hook Line – Especially if the Employer has been swamped by a mass of dull & dreary Applications. So, Line 1 = “Show Me The Money!”
Training & Development – A much undervalued skill when CV Writing.
“Helped Implement” can literally mean ‘I didn’t quit when they forced me’ but as this person didn’t walk out in disgust at having to start at 8:15 AM, then they ‘Helped to Implement’…
Another nice phrase I always liked was “Part of a team that…”. You can be part of team that achieved just about anything inside your business, opened new regions, won new clients, developed new services, procedures, processes, policies, products, Etc… It’s a ‘One Stop Shop’ for a list achievements as long as your arm, but keep them relevant, provable and remember, Nice Big Numbers!
Now, if you ran a Cake Shop and received the above CV, you know you would interview that person immediately! They look too good to let slip away – and that’s the point of the Achievement Page/s – It’s a Bloody Big Hook to get you in through the door!!!
3) By now you should have a Master CV that possibly reads like war & peace (At this point, that’s a good thing!) and an Achievements List (that should make you feel a little more positive – it has that affect. NB: If it doesn’t, go back and think a bit more!). You’re ready to start looking at Industry Specific Skills & Experience.
4) Its time to review the Industries you enjoyed working in (not the office) and the relevancy of your skills in that market place. Many industries share common ‘themes’ – Manufacturing usually involves distribution, Telecoms spills into IT, Catering into Hospitality, Healthcare into Social Work, Etc… The list is huge. In order to get the right details to the right people, start to create a CV tailored towards your first choice of industry.
5) Don’t be afraid of having two different looking CV’s on the basis that you may be applying for 2 very different types of role. It’s what the best consultancies do; tailor your details to a specific industry or position.
DIRECT APPLICATIONS
Firstly, make a list of all the businesses you would love to work for, then like to work for and finally would accept an offer from. This may appear like ‘EVERYONE’ when you start looking and are without work, but there may be that one or two business that truly excite.
IE – For me, it would be a specific couple of IT / Home Electronics Businesses. I’m interested in both these areas, have a nice home cinema system and would focus on the likes of Dell, Onkio, Pioneer, Denon, Hitachi, Etc. For you it may be Porsche, Chanel, The British Museum, Whatever blows your skirt up…
Make a list, see if any are in your area, start an A List, then a B List and so on.
Do not swamp out a mass of letters to everyone in your List at the first opportunity! It’s tempting, especially if you have ever used Mail Merge… But Don’t! You only get one chance to send an initial introduction letter.
CALL FIRST
Think before you Call, Call before you Apply. Make a direct call to a couple of businesses that come towards the bottom of your list. Speak to HR but don’t be put off if they dismiss you immediately. Always keep in mind that your call may be at an inconvenient time, they may just be in a bad mood or having a crappy day. It’s not all about you and should not stop you from sending in details.
Calling – The purpose if to introduce yourself (Yes, Its embarrassing and a bit awkward at first, get over it!) and discuss your skills and availability, your flexibility and the possibility of any contractual, consultancy or temporary opportunities that they may have. 9 times out of 10 you will be dismissed and told to send in details. That’s not an issue, but you must Take A NAME!
Then your application can be addressed to ‘Someone’ @ The Business. Dear Sir/Madam letters have a tendency to go directly to File 13 (the Bin!). Also, if you can, get an email address. These are very useful. Direct contact via Email means you only need to know the correct spelling of a senior manager’s name and you can email them directly – the format for internal emails almost always remains the same!
Take good notes and always have pen and paper when you call. Also a note of what you want to express, be it availability, relevant experience or in my case above, the fact that I lust after their latest Surround Amp with 7 channel decoding and Blue Ray compatibility… Yes, cheesy it may be, but there’s no substitute for enthusiasm!
You should start a list in EXCEL (or on paper) noting all relevant details, Company Name, Date, Name of person, Telephone Number, Direct Line, Email Address, Details of what was said.
This list should expand and during your phone calls keep in mind that you want the name of any Hiring Managers, HR Managers name, Etc… List all details!! Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. By listing the people and the details of the conversation, you can call back a month later to ‘catch up’. All the time your building and developing a relationship in your next potential employer.
RECRUITMENT CONSULTANCIES
Recruitment Consultants a very valuable resource when seeking employment but there are Consultants and there are ‘Agencies’. It’s important to know the difference.
Independent Consultants located in a posh part of town will offer the greatest service to both their clients and candidates. There clients are hard won, they will likely spend the longest time interviewing candidates and will market them most accurately. They will specialise in the top end of the employment spectrum – If you’re a Manager, get yourself in there PRONTO!
Any business with the wording ‘Employment’ in the title and situated in the rough end of the high street wont spend long interviewing but will usually have a grater range of start immediately lower end roles. If you’re just stating out, get yourself in there CHOP CHOP!
There is no time like the present. If you receive a Redundancy notice (or even just a note suggesting you may be made redundant) DO NOT WAIT – Register and let them know you may be immediately available and will keep in touch (KIT). Please Note – If you say you’re going to KIT
Then DO SO, Recruiters take notes and will hold it against you if you prove unreliable. DO NOT BE LATE FOR APPOINTMENTS – It may mean you get overlooked next time!
If you have made any direct applications, take a list of the details and mention the name of the business to the consultant. They may still send your details if they believe there are opportunities but forewarned is forearmed.
FLEXIBILITY WINS EVERY TIME
Take what you can get. Temporary, Contract, Etc. Even low end temp roles give you the chance of making a first class introduction and let a potential future employer know what you may be capable of. I have seen a multitude of senior candidates take junior temp jobs and build very comfortable permanent roles. The business realises quickly what an asset you are and a budget is found for the new person. If nothing else, it’s always easier to get a job when you have a job.
In order to be considered for contract roles, make your salary requirements are flexible. There is no point in asking for the world if it’s not available, but don’t go silly on the rate – take the advice of the consultant, but remember that he also wants to make a buck or two.
DO’S And DON’TS
DO NOT LIE!
Under no circumstances can you suggest that Day is Night, Black is White, and you have a Masters from the Sorbonne if you only have a CSE from Bashstreet Comprehensive. There can be nothing more embarrassing than starting a new role and then being quizzed by a nineteen year old HR clerk.
Don’t Do It!
JUST DON’T!
Don’t create a CV that reads like a ‘guide to’ or a long list of ‘I dids’ These are all just tasks and although many will need listing, note them as areas of responsibility, not a long list of “I did, I did, I did…”
Always keep appointments, keep good records, make notes, follow up with recruitment consults once a week and remind them of your availability.
Dress well for all appointments – Its sounds patronising but remember to polish your shoes the night before and be ready to make an appointment at a moments notice (The client may have a candidate drop out – Their Loss, Your Gain!) and keep a positive exterior, despite EVERYTHING!
Happy smiley friendly people are a pleasure to deal with, a pleasure to employ and lot easier to make an offer to, it’s not all about the skill set!
At interview, always give a good hand shake, keep good eye contact and finish well; State that you enjoyed the meeting/discussion, mention the interviewers name, smile and exit. It doesn’t matter how badly you think you did at an interview, if it’s a first interview, a good finish may still get you to the second!
EG: “Well I don’t have any more question. Many thanks for taking the time to meet me Richard / Ms Jones / Mr Andrews, I’m very interested in the role and look forward to hearing from you” Shakes person by the hand, Eye contact, smiling, makes for the door.
NB: If you take an umbrella, leave it at reception, many a good candidate has fallen foul of a wet or tricky Brolly and you don’t want to go sprawling at the last hurdle.
Finally – Best of luck. I hope you found some of the pointers useful.
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I think I’ll note down a few bits of advice for anyone who looses or may lose their job. Its not always a bad thing – You’d be surprised! 10 years in recruitment was enough to see off the odd recession or down turn. I’ll get right on that. If your interested, add me as friend. You’ll find I'm not the fussy sort :¬)
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A PREDICTION FOR THE NEXT 18 MONTHS
I’m a bit of an Armchair prediction specialist – it’s partly luck, a little insight and the fact that I have worked in large organisations and kind of understand how they operate… I thought I would commit this one to the O’l Blog!
Now, I’m no ‘Martins Money’ but I want to make some predictions as to the extent of the Credit Crunch, The UK Economy, UK House Prices and Business Results. Eyes down for a full house… Let’s see if I’m right?
THE CRUNCH
We love a good recession, we do. It’s a bit like the Blitz, all of us in the same Poo and all of us talking about a common subject of hatred. The papers have done wonders whipping up the populous to almost a frenzy and we all went a bit ‘Bargain’ mad before Christmas.
Its Pay Back Time = The New Year brings a growing Credit Card problem, retailers in peril and a stifled recruitment market. I wanted to commit a couple of predictions to these pages - Lets see what the future brings and how lose my Guess is to the truth of the matter…
RETAIL - WHO’S GONE?
When Woolworths called in the Receivers, people queued for hours to pay for products with 10% off, when they hadn’t been in the shop for years! Funny thing, if these same people had spent £10.00 a month in Woolworths for the preceding year, the business would still be going.
That doesn’t stop the fact that Woollies had lost touch with its Customers and had no focus or direction, but they ran an Online Media Empire and supply chain that was the envy of HMV… (Virgin Records amongst their clients).
The structure of this business was its undoing and it amazes me that the Directors did not bother protecting one business from the other – Its All Very Strange – Some serious questions should be asked about the company structure and their Auditors, who should have sighted this a potential weakness???
MFI – No wonder, struggled for the past 15 years, bought and sold, MBO’s and Mergers, the business had nothing to offer and the arrival of IKEA was a ringing of the bell… “Time Gentlemen, Please…"
RETAIL - WHO’S NEXT?
W H Smiths – Smiths have been adrift for more than 10 Years. If the over 60’s were banned from this shop, they would fold within 24 Hours. Ask yourself, what unique service or product do they sell. They are not a Stationers, nor a Book-Shop or a Confectioners or a Post Office. They are not a discount seller and every product they sell can be bought for less from elsewhere in the High Street. Good bye W H Smiths.
Boots The Chemist – This business should have already gone, but careful management, innovative Club Card deals and complete reorganisation save this business and should have been the model for Smiths. 7 years ago I would have been sighting this for demise, but I think they took enough action to shed their deadweight and look forward to seeing them in our High Street in 2011.
Superdrug – Eeek! The funny thing with a recession is the spending habits of the Masses. Life is about what you want, not what you need. Superdrug has become a discount seller that needs a bloody good cleanup. Discount doesn’t need to mean dirty! The staff in my local store all need to wake up and have a wash, the floor needs cleaning, the shelves are dirty and disorganised, you go in for shower-gel and need a bath on exit! It’s Grim! If you’re a shopper who washes every day, you’ll probably justify the extra 8% increase on your basket and head directly to Boots!
Next – Lucky to see out 2009. Truly a business adrift. Women’s clothing of 100% Polyester and £40 a blouse??? What planet are their management from, it’s not Planet Retail, that’s for sure!!! NEXT!
M&S – They have a very strong UK management team and where the darling of the high street 2 years ago with there per-una (or whatever) label flying off the shelves. They only need to score one very groovy summer collection and will be back as the UK’s No 1 Knicker Seller extraordinaire.
M&S SIMPLY FOODS – What? You have to wonder who sold this concept to the Board of directors??? Its not just food… No, it is just food, and selling it like Porn is not going to make us pay £5.50 for a bunch o’ grapes – they just the same as Waitrose or ASDA’s. This was business destined to fail. Sorry M&S, but it wasn’t Sexy and even your £10.00 incentives still made us feel like we were visiting a sex shop when leaving your store.
A seductively deep charming Irish female voiceover…
“It’s Not Just a Chocolate Profiterole With Pouring Creamy Chocolate, Nigela Lawson with Cheeky Chocolate Sauce Dripping seductively down the side of her huge pouting lips, sprawled on a table covered in Spray Cream” STOP – It’s just a Pastry Roll, covered in enough calories to kill a Buffalo. Your concept was doomed, Food Porn? Overpriced and sold as Sex Objects? You’re impressing nobody!
Well, it looks like I’m a bit late with this one, M&S have announced today the closure of this business…. Not a great shock!
WHAT OTHER BUSINESS WILL BE SQUEEZED IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS?
Every Pizza Parlour in the country must be looking at how it’s going to survive the next 18 Months… They have been getting fat (Pun intended) on what is ultimately a large slice of bread with stuff on it. I live in a town with about 250,000 other people. We have nearly 20 Pizza establishments within my delivery catchment area. To guarantee survival, you need to be either the best know, the best advertised within your area or the cheapest. That guarantees 3 businesses. The others will all have a hard fight to survive.
Recruitment Businesses – A lot of the smaller independents that have been making money in the good times are just not well enough established to survive a downturn. The market will shrink, Clients will sign up to discount Supply Contracts with a chosen few and will stop taking calls form the desperate many. The Recruitment Market will naturally thin down.
PC Box Sellers – The UK has lost several Box Shifters in the last 10 Years, Tiny being the most famous. There are still many smaller sleeker businesses left and all must be feeling the pinch. This is a ridiculously tight industry with profits already shaved to the maximum. Expect to hear of many less in the market place by 2011.
Football Clubs. Can’t tell you who but look at the Debt Burden some of these clubs are carrying… It’s not the greatest leap to imaging bankruptcies.
OK, enough with who’s going… What about the Big Boys, the Blue Chips….
BIG BUSINESS – WHAT ARE THE CORPORATE’S DOING?
Right now, in hundreds of large businesses, from the middle management up, there is a mild form of personal panic. A Huge number of over mortgaged middle managers are sweating beads wondering if there job is safe. Back from the Christmas holiday, they have had enough time to reflect and will either have a plan to make themselves indispensible or will be looking to find a ‘new challenge’.
The Head of HR has been looking at (Sorry to say this out loud, but…) Dead-Wood. The individuals who are least productive, least popular or the poor sods who are easiest to replace. Redundancy notices will be issued to the Department Of Employment and the staff concerned will be notified. Some have already taken a cut in salary (See the IT contracting community in London – 10 to 15% reduction in fees) and those lucky enough to survive will look hard at cost cutting, supplier fees and billing.
The head of accounts will be looking at all those ‘nasties’ that have been lurking in the books for years. Failed Projects, Incomplete purchases and buyouts, Losses and Write Offs, R&D flops, etc. All will be brought to the fore and described as Exceptional Losses and ‘difficult trading conditions’. It’s a funny thing, but this dip has given a myriad of business the ability to lose staff, write off old balances and have bloody good internal cleanup.
We will have to suffer every PLC making the most of this Profit Amnesty and declaring at least one full set of bloody awful accounts. Expect a shower of Dividend warnings (for any of you investors) and a much lowered income for the retired investor.
BANKING – Expectations?
The Retail Banking Sector will relish the thought of cleaning house and using the next set of accounts for getting rid of a huge pile of Debt-Poo… Goodbye Bad investments, Hello sexy new clean and shiny books for 2009-2010. Needles to say, frontline staff and middle management will face the threat of redundancies and job losses.
THE UK ECONOMY
As noted above, the FTSE will remain in really gloomy numbers for at least the next 9 to 12 Months. Commercial Property will remain vacant, the High Street will look depressed, and it will appear that we have reached and excelled the depths of 1991. This knock will continue to effect consumer confidence and spending.
But that’s just a short term view. Later in 2009 the FTSE will pick on the strength of promised results, businesses that slimmed will show quarterly improvements and the Banks understand that the Profit Amnesty will not be tolerated long into the future. After all, the Government needs to show a return on investment and these Government part owned banks (See RBS) will be under great pressure to turn this around quickly!
The recruitment market will be depressed for the first 6/9 months of this year but will settle (with high unemployment) into the last quarter.
Interest rates will settle around 1% by the end of this year and by Christmas 2009, the future will be looking a little bit brighter.
HOUSE PRICES
I think we all have to accept the fact that prices are going to continue to fall – but I do think that the rate of fall will slip to no more than 1% a month. I would imagine that by October this year house prices will be 8-10% lower than today. However, I would also expect that the average price will settle and may even increase in November, a trend that will continue steadily (although tentatively) through 2010.
SMART MONEY MOVERS AND SHAKERS
Most people with savings have a new distrust and distain for the Banking Sector. This makes their shares especially tempting for the brave few. Buying with a view of 5 to 10 year returns would appear like a sound investment while the market is depressed.
Property prices must be set for an eventual almighty increase as we still have a massive shortage of property in the UK. I would imagine the bargain hunters will be using the summer holidays scouting for a potential steal in August and September. But the art of these investments remains balancing Risk V Timing – You can be sure that there are some investors is already narrowing a potential investment portfolio and is constantly monitoring the numbers so they know when to jump back in.
Sadly, no investment house I know of takes shirt buttons, so I’ll just be predicting and not buying. After all, if I were a hard core investment specialist, I wouldn’t share this information on a Blog, I’d be selling it!
DISCLAIMER
NB: Any investment made on the information noted above is at your own risk. Remember, any investments, interest rate, TV ratings, aeroplanes, political popularity, knickers, May go Up as well as Down. Always read the label, Wash at 40 Degrees, Do Not Dry Clean and for the love of god, if you lose a fortune based on any comment I have made, do come back an tell me all about it – I could do with a good laugh!!
Grumpy!
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We're going away… Out of town… Taking a plane ride… Don’t care about the Green House Gasses… After all, Carbon Monoxide is a Greenhouse Gas and therefore all the Cows in the world should have a health warning – May Cause Trumping!
Happy Days.
Grumpy.
]]>They left a blank to describe your Ethnicity -
Britton, Ex of Boadicea, Watcher of the Roman Invasion, Villa Dweller, Victim of the Normans, Defender against the Norse Men, Fighter of Saxon Raiders, Capturer of Calais, Master Of the Seas, Destroyer of the Armada, Father of Justice, Inventor of GMT, Worker for the Industrial Revolution, Conqueror of the Americas, Canada, India, Australia, Etc. Order bringer to Africa, Liberator of the French, Peace bringer to Europe, Sorry for our current malaise, Tired of vote chasseing Government , sad for the erosion of our Country, Angered by a Slovak Invasion, Scared for the future of our Children. Just another subjugated second class Britton barely recognising his own country.
Its their own fault…
O yer – Really set me up for the day! Grrrr!
]]>The more I got to know the local officers, the more grateful I was for their presence.
The job they perform was not something I would even consider. Risking your person for an ungrateful nation does not fill me with a warm fuzzy glow.Call that a penalty, I’ve spent more on a cab ride home.(I was lost, it was late and a very long way home!)
£80.00 - IT’S A JOKE
THIS MUST BE THE BEST VALUE SERVICE KNOWNTO MAN!
Now, lets convert that to a commercial reality where an individual has to actually pay a fee for using each of the above professional Services;
Thinking about the fee, your not going to be quite so ready to order that next Snakebite and Black if you had to fork out £680.00 for last weekends affray!
Don’t Make Me Laugh!
What is this trend… Customer Service?
If you have an Accounts Enquiry, you need Accounts.
If you have a Servicing Request, you need the Servicing Department.
If you need Technical Assistance, you need the Technical Department.
Why would you willingly queue to talk to Customer Services…
WHAT DO THEY DO?
There was a move by large organisations to consolidate many of the functions of internal departments and shield them from Customer Calls. Customers would be directed to specialists who could combine many functions and reduce both the customer’s time and the time used up by the employees. A truly noble cause.
However, cost saving exercises have reduced the numbers of the ‘specialist’ and increased the functions they must deal with. This further dilutes the experience to the point that many Indian call centres are using actual scripts to talk a customer through a predefined issue. There is no experience with the product and service and almost no understanding for the issue.
Who of us would feel happy talking a Bomb Disposal person through a new device by telephone from a call sheet? None of us have experience in disarming bombs and would not consider a call sheet a satisfactory solution!
MICROSOFT
I wanted to set up a new PC and got a copy of Windows Vista. After 7 or 8 attempts, I called the Help Line and was immediately connected to a VISTA Customer Services Specialist…
After more than hour to an Indian call centre, listening to him turning the pages of his question and response book, unable to help… I gave up. I had spent nearly £200.00 on the software and was none the wiser for the cost of the phone call or the loss of time.
Q: How much is VISTA worth to Microsoft?
A: Billions of dollars worldwide
So why did none of the supposed ‘Microsoft Representatives’ have any actual experience with its installation, its use, issues, Etc? Is Microsoft actually interested in their single licence customers? No. It’s just your cash they want, or they would employ actual specialists... Not just the cheapest English (Allegedly) speaking labour that can read from a call sheet.
I now understand what the issue is and I made an error when ordering a graphics card. It’s not actually Microsoft’s fault – But surely their support department should have been the ones to tell me and not a PC Magazine. According to Microsoft, despite having all the relevant information, an hour reviewing the details and 3 further calls, they still don’t have a clue… The luckless wonders!
Back to my Bomb Disposal reference above, it became obvious that no one in that call centre had even seen a Vista Box, let alone performed even the most basic set up!
VODAFONE
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m a bit of a nationalist and like Vodafone and their international success. It’s a British business that returned the favour when BMW bought Rover and asset stripped it in front of our very eyes. Vodafone bought the German Telecoms business Manasman and the staff went on strike, there was national uproar as to the audacity of a foreign telecoms company just snapping the business up without asking nicely first.
So, Kudos to Vodafone for reaching into the heart of the Fatherland only weeks after BMW left Rover the dishevelled hulk it sold for pittance back to is Management.
But Vodafone can only achieve this spending power by very frugal investment in their services. So we get to wait 40 minutes before we can talk to the right person. I have been with Vodafone for more than 15 years (same Mobile number too) and know that with increased profitability, customer service has improved. But what a ridiculous wait!
VIRGIN MEDIA
I got a phone line installed in 1996 with Windsor Cable that quickly became The Cable Corporation. This business has been bought up, chopped up, sold and merged on countless occasions. Its latest incarnation is the fated VIRGIN MEDIA. I called to change my number and spoke to a very nice chap who assured me that my number would be changed last week… I’m still waiting. The investment in time on the phone to the call centre was more than an hour. Firstly I spoke to a front line time waster who does not posses the skills, ability or sign-on’s to do what I want. In-fact, I’m not sure what function this person actually fulfils?
So a transfer of the call, another 20 minute wait for someone to pickup… Etc. They do use UK call centres so I suppose we have to be grateful for small mercies. Jenray noted something similar in her experience (only much more frustrating!). NB: If you have not visited, she has a quite lovely turn of phrase.
SKY
Jenrray, I’m sorry to say this… Sky is only marginally better. It’s the Vodafone Price War all over again. Saving on customer services allows the business to lower its overheads and its price to customers. Personally, I dislike sky. I dislike its owner and its pricing policy… But that’s another Blog (Grrrr!). I do have to confess that there have been some improvements in Sky’s service.
THE SERVICE
The point is Customer Services are to keep us away from the people with the ability to actually affect a solution. The Finance Staff, the Engineering Department, Installations Managers, Etc. Rarely do you come across a member of Customer Services who can….
‘Arrange an engineer, refund the over payment and change your address’
If they could, they would be the most useful people on earth. Instead, poor systems and over-engineered management means you need to wait in one queue after another.
Only by complaining hard enough do you get to someone who recognises the fact that you are used to dealing with alleged authority figures and used to getting a result. Then you are worth dealing with immediately as you will be too much of a pain in the ass if they drop the call….
MY PERSONAL TIPS ON
HOW TO ACHIEVE A RESULT
WITH A CALL CENTRE IDIOT.
All right, not all call centre staff are idiots. Some are extremely helpful, are far from their level of incompetence and are obviously under utilised. However, for the rest, this is my guide…
I appreciate the examples above may not inspire confidence. But when dealing with personal matters at home I have a tendency to turn off my business Head. Instead I relax in the gentle Tele-Muzac and forget that someone pays me to achieve this same result on a daily basis… From Credit Collections, Area Sales, to the Recruitment Industry, Etc... I have been charged with the task of moving quickly past individuals without the power to make decisions.
But at home, while reclining on the Settee, I become a passive consumer and rely on the good nature of Customer Services!
That is until I get a bit mad! (See below – Enough Rope To Hang…Etc.)Then it’s on with the Business Head and I revert to a Grumpy Bugger, Monday Morning, First Call Of the day, Blood Pressure rising, Stress Levels at 80%...
P a s s m e t h e p h o n e…I have listed some of the techniques I have used to get a result. It doesn’t always work, my requests aren’t always reasonable and I’m not always right… but if you don’t ask, you will never receive! This is an idiot’s guide so apologies if I’m teaching my Granny to suck eggs… (You mean Blow, don’t Suck?!?)
BEFORE
Firstly, don’t just make the call. Make sure you have all of the relevant details. The paperwork, the Account Number, The Item in detail that is causing you a problem. Have a Pen and Paper ready, you are going to need it. Know what it is you are looking to achieve from the call before you make it.
DESIRED RESULT
Set the Goal - A firm installation date / The retuning of faulty goods / A Full Refund / Etc.. Knowing your Goal will help you focus and achieve a satisfactory solution. Remember, you may not be entitled to what you want (“Our Terms State” or “Our Policy is”), but this doesn’t mean that you will not be able to get it!
MR ANGRY!
Don’t Call Angry! Well, not yet anyway. There is no point in shouting at front line staff. They do not have the authority and have no autonomy so they really are just doing a job. A 23 years old disillusioned graduate who fell into this role as an easy form of employment with fairly good money… don’t expect emotions other than contempt from them if you loose your temper.
NAMES
Call, Get a Name! Get A Surname! Get Accountability from the person you are talking to. Doing this first puts the entire call on a different level. They can’t transfer you into space… You Know Their Name! Ask the Location of the Call Centre. You may find that different offices around the country doing the exact same job will have differing management and therefore different levels of Service.
THE DEPARTMENT TO PLACATE
Let them take you through their pre-prepared conversation. Allow them to make any offers of assistance but don’t be put off from your goal.
We don’t like upsetting people who appear to be helpful. KEEP IN MIND – These individuals have been trained to be ‘helpful’ and to contain your call. You are only 5 to 10 minutes of their day and they are unlikely to remember you name for more than 3 minutes after the call ends.
Be polite, firm and resolute in you desire to achieve your goal. A line I like to use “Thank you for trying to help me, but I would like to discuss this with the Department Manager, what is that person’s name”. Move past the Gate Keepers…
Ask for the name of their Manager. Try to avoid the Supervisors, they are just more experienced Gate Keepers and are paid specifically to hold and contain your call. A Manager is responsible to much more senior staff and is likely to take your call a whole lot more seriously.
REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THE EMOTION
None of this is personal and you are not allowed to make any of the conversation personal. You may not use language that you would feel uncomfortable using with your local Priest or Vicar. This is not a reflection of the individuals as people, its no reflection on your character, and in no way should you feel bad. They won’t want to pass your call on to the manager; you must remind them that they have been unable to assist. Expect the reply that the manager will say the same thing – This comment is excellent as it enables you to reply “I appreciate that, but I would like to give them the opportunity to comment on this before I take this matter further”
This whole exercise is about achieving your ends from a profit making machine – do not concern yourself with what the ‘business’ may think about you. Businesses don’t have feelings, not even for their own staff. (How many of us know someone affected by outsourcing? Did the UK Staff do a bad Job or can they simply be replaced by virtual Slave Labour from an eastern European Country or Asia?).
However, this does not mean that you are allowed to become angry. It is more a reflection of the kind of Business Emotion that you can express. Unleashing your temper on the first poor employee who picks up the phone will have you branded as not worth assisting. Expressing your anger as abject disappointment with a departmental Manager will usually grant you there full attention and hopefully a speedy solution.
NEGOTIATION
Be prepared to compromise in the first instance. If your goal is of a financial nature, it is sometimes beneficial to allow a business just enough rope to hang them with. Even Departmental Managers’ will be forced to work within business restraints.
My brother bought a booster seat from an online shop. The wrong item came and he asked for a replacement. They asked him to return the incorrect model at his own cost. He refused and he was astounded by their response… Did he know anyone who may want to buy it? Again, he answered no. The business shipped his correct order and he was told he could keep the incorrect model!! The cost of collection outweighed the profit in re-selling the low value item (Under £20.00).
This worked in his favour, but there are many more examples where low profitability on an item works against the consumer – Restocking charges, Delivery fees, Administration costs. If the fault is due to consumer error, some form of fee must be expected.
If the fault is the Suppliers – then you have the right to refuse any unreasonable request. Don’t be put off by a quote regarding Policy! Consumers have large number of rights and by any error from the supplier; it is most likely that the ‘agreement of purchase’ has been broken by them! IE; All Bets Are Off! – Including what their “Company Policy” may state!
TAKE NOTE
Keep all your notes. Date all instances; include times, names of the individuals, an outline of the conversation – ‘You Said, They Said’. There is an exceptionally good reason for this… Information is power!
THE FINAL STRAW
When you have battled your way to the Manager and have been stifled by them… Get Dirty.
If the circumstances warrant, the service levels have not been met or the department concerned have simply not responded (Enough Rope) its time to call on Senior Assistance!
Everyone is responsible to someone until you reach a Director. These people are responsible for the business and protecting its public image. In these times of hard won money, the customer is truly King – they are unlikely to have forgotten that.
Don’t expect to speak to the Director, but his secretary will usually have enough clout to put the fear of god into any Line Manager. You are much more likely to find a kind ear at this level but you must be able to show where the organisation has failed.
With good notes (As much details as possible) you can discuss your terms. If you can put a compelling argument to the Director (Or their appointed representative) you would be justified in taking… ‘Further Action’ (Legal – God Forbid) if needs be. Normally, you will find a very satisfactory solution at Director level.
THE DEPARTMENT OF
DIRTY TRICKS
DATA PROTECTION –
Under the governments (Now EEC Wide) Data Protection Policy, any information held on you can be requested for personal scrutiny. Expect to pay a £10.00 administration fee for the privilege of seeing it, but all calls and comments made that have been recorded on PC by the business must be made available.
Remember to ask for written conformation that no further information is kept on paper records. If things don’t go your way, you will be able to compare your notes with theirs when putting a case for legal action together. You may find that if there is a glaring and easily provable gap in their notes, they wont contest any further and your demands will be met without further question.
THE UNOBTAINABLE –
It will often appear that the business only wants to give you their 0800 Number to customer Services and that no direct line exists. However all UK LTD Co’s and large Partnerships are obliged to register their company details along with their Accounts and business returns, etc.
With a simple combination of free to use web sites, you can trace even the most elusive Web based business;
HIDDEN ON THE WEB –
Take a look at the web sites Privacy Policy. Under UK Legislation they have an obligation to list the address where your personal details will be held or the Head Office of the business that is holding them.
COMPANIES HOUSE –
I have passed the link to the search facility for UK LTD Co’s as this is always a useful item to keep in your favourites
Enter the business Name and this will confirm the address details. If you’re feeling lazy (or want specific details) you can create an account, pay £2.00 and receive details regarding the business. If you pay £5.00 you can request the full accounts including Directors Details, Name and Home Address! Very useful for a direct approach when all else fails.
ROYAL MAIL –
If you have an address and are not sure of the business, you can use a very useful tool from Royal Mail. You can use the link below to check for a Post code (supposing you know the address)
However, there is a less known and infrequently used ‘Tab’ FIND AN ADDRESS. If you know the business Post Code, you can type it in on this page and it will tell you all of the businesses registered to that address! Very useful for those businesses that only like giving away a P O BOX.
DIRECT ACTION -
With an address comes a UK registered Telephone number. You will usually find the switchboard very amiable in giving out information. When you take a name, you may be asked “who is calling” or “What is it regarding” – have your reply ready – Don’t sound like a disgruntled customer but more like business partner or supplier.
EMAIL –
Remember to ask for the spelling of the name, regardless how obvious it is. “BOB SMITH” then “would Mr Smith Email Address B Smith @ Company ?” this sounds like you have emailed the business before despite the fact you may be incorrect. You will often find a quick reply correcting your email address. Cheeky but effective!
If you sound like you know the person the next time you phone, you will usually be put through directly. If you find a secretary is Gate Keeping, bare in mind that they will eventually go to lunch and the person you want may still be seated at their desk.
VOICE MAIL
Many people who hide behind voice mail can do so because they screen calls. This can be subverted by two methods;
1 – Often an extension number is given before you can leave a message. Most newer Switches in larger corporations will allow you to replace the last 4 digits of the main number with the extension to create a Direct Line. Incoming calls on a Direct Line will have a different ring style and are more likely to be answered than ones transferred from the Switchboard.
2 – If you know the extension you want, ask for the extension 2 digits above or below. This will not be the right person and after an apology, you can ask to be transferred. Internal calls will also have a different unique ring tone and are much much more likely to be answered – after all, it could be the boss!
Anyway… I feel like I’m preaching and that wasn’t the point of this blog.I really want people to subvert Customer Service Departments. The only way to bring change in large organisations is to challenge their nicely constructed systems and highlight their inefficiencies.
Now, Go Subvert and never listen to “Not Our Policy” ever again!
“Thank you Mr Grumpy. I’m afraid our time is up. I’ll see you at the same time next week.”
Yes, Thank you Doctor. I’ll see you next week. (My therapy session is over!)
]]>Ode to Johnnie Walker…
Groaning strain and stomach Pains…. My trousers don’t agree.
Facial blemish and nasty spots… I’m developing Ac – er - ne. No more sweets or Chocolate… It’s Salad Days for me… ]]>